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  The stage lights
are blinding. The camera rolls as the boom microphone settles into position. "Quiet," the assistant director shouts. Moments
later, the director calls "Action!" All eyes turn to robot-actor Gus, whose highly trained voice resonates as a monotone that
betrays his boredom:
"Let me service you at Spunky Lube," Gus drones.
The director claps his hands. "Cut!" he
shouts. "Print it!" A flurry of activity fills the soundstage around mechanical thespian Gus, who towels a suspiciously placed
oil splatter from his face, then plods back into his dressing room with a heavy sigh.
"It's an injustice, that's what
it is," he says. "I was trained well, programmed to perform Shakespeare. Instead I'm reduced to endorsing a second-rate transmission-repair
company."
Though Gus received critical praise for his performance in the original short-film version of Tripping
the Rift, his notoriety quickly was eclipsed by that of co-stars Chode and Six. "A malodorous blowhard and a talentless
tramp," Gus laments. "Does no one recognize talent anymore?"
Before securing his current gig starring in a series of
30-second regional commercials for Spunky Lube, Gus endured countless rejections as he auditioned for one commercial after
another. "Black and Decker claimed my performance was 'antithetical to their corporate image.' Oh, please. Where did
they think I would attach the drill bit for maximum leverage?"
Home Depot, Stanley Tools and Ace Hardware also
rejected Gus as their spokesbot. "I shouldn't be surprised," Gus says with a shrug. "I was talking to my pal Bender last week.
He can't find work now, either, and he was a media darling for how many seasons? I suspect there's a deep-rooted advertising
bias against theatrical robots though William Hurt keeps getting work, so maybe there's still hope."
A pimply faced
production assistant leans into Gus' dressing room, which bears an uncanny resemblance to a janitor's supply closet. "Two
minutes, Brass-Ass," the youth says. Gus mumbles his acknowledgment of the call to the set, then explains that his latest
nickname is, at least, an improvement over last week's moniker. "'Spunky Brewster,' they called me," he says. "I have no idea
what it means."
Walking back to the set, Gus is optimistic about his return to Tripping the Rift. "Once the
show premieres on SCI FI [in January 2004], I expect my fortunes will improve," he predicts. "For starters, these illiterate
ingrates will have to pay me at least SAG minimum. Or else, as my old friend would say, 'They can kiss my shiny metal ass.'"
Gus
steps back in front of the camera, hits his mark with nanometer accuracy and waits for his cue. A makeup artist steps up and
unceremoniously squirts a sloppy glob of motor oil on the side of Gus' face.
Gus straightens his posture as the assistant
director calls for quiet, then whispers a final aside before resuming work: "I hate when the oil gets in my eye," he says
quietly. "It burns terribly. But that's show business."
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