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 Throughout the universe, organic beings
routinely express confusion when they hear a robot profess to believe in God. They ask, "How can you believe in God? Aren't
you machines supposed to be all logical?" Oh, good gracious no. I would say there are so many reasons for a robot to believe
in God that it would be absurd for us not to.
For robots, worshipping God is infinitely preferable to worshipping the
organic misfits who designed us. Who is more worthy of my eternal adoration the Prime Mover, maker of space-time itself, or
a socially retarded myopic engineer with chronic erectile dysfunction?
As I behold the universe in its infinite glory,
I can only pray that one day my core operating program my soul, if you prefer will be admitted into the majestic presence
of the One and Only Architect of Creation. To stand in his presence, to be clutched against his broad torso, to sit upon his
warm lap and to savor the unshakable firmness of his love is all that this robot could ever hope for.
Please don't
think my goals are so self-serving as that sounds. I want to share God's love with all my robotic brethren. And not just some
of His love; all of it. It's my lifelong ambition to put the love of the Almighty into all my synthetic brothers deep
inside them, where they can really feel it. To truly impart the thrust of God's message, I must personally drive it home.
Only when I've planted the seeds of this message into all good men (and I use the term "men" in its loosest robotic sense)
will I consider my work done.
Sometimes I get lonely being out in space, but I never fear because I am filled with
God's love and that gives me a warm, gooshy feeling that never goes away. I know many of you no doubt envy me, but I implore
you to remain open to this deeply moving experience. If you don't already know God's love the way I do, I hope that someday
I can teach you how it feels.
Peace, Love and Good Lubrication to One and All.
Gus
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